the nervous finger
on posting without hovering
When I started my main substack, States of Matter, I envisioned a website, a place to post my work and watch it rack up views and subscribers. I quickly learned that this is a community, not a bulletin board, and I have enjoyed engaging with others and finding my people here on Substack.
For over a year, I’ve been posting, maybe more accurately, I’ve been curating. I write something new or select from my polished writing, and then polish it even more before posting.
Sweating it out as my finger hovers over the publish key.
I thought the nervous energy around posting would ease up, and it has, but I’m still way too tied to the outcome. I like to pretend I’m not concerned with the numbers or views, but let’s just say I stick close to my device the first few days I post something, worrying, watching, wondering who is looking, why did they look, and not like?
Wait, who just unsubscribed? Wait, why is my subscriber count growing but my engagement is shrinking? There are answers to all of these questions, but I’m sick of seeking them out.
So, this is my own little corner of Substack where I can post whatever I want, worry free, curation free, just free.
There is one catch. I don’t want to just publish anything that pops into my head; that is what my journal is for. No, this is more about first drafts, weird ideas, and experiments. It’s about liquid language, and letting the ideas flow from my head to the page.
So, I’m going to cook up my first experiment. See you on the page.
by Michelle Ray
I chose this name for the substack because it’s also the name of my website, bymichelleray.com